Preface:
I used to do technical support and process RMAs between 1998 and 2004. Typically, some of the customers were so bad that I would go home and write about them. This is a collection of six of those writings.
I had a rough day.
I work as a tech in a mail order warehouse. Part of my job is handling RMAs. An RMA is a product that is returned to us by a consumer using a Return Merchandise Authorization (thus the name "RMA")..
Today started with two motherboards and a CPU. All three pieces were returned because they were "dead". No boot. No life...
Guess what?...
First was a BCM QS750. The customer swore up and down that the board never booted. He said he had two others just like them and did not have a problem with them, so I made the inital mistake of assuming he knew what he was doing. I got the board back, and it fired right up. The first observation was how many things were changed in the BIOS. There was so many changes made, that I had to clear the CMOS just so I could boot up into Windows with my hard drive. But he told me this board was dead!?! Did he not remember changing a bunch of stuff in the BIOS? Did he not think to clear the BIOS?
The next RMA was for a AMD Athlon 550. Returned for a credit. Again, the RMA reads "dead". I popped the CPU into the other customer's BCM QS750 and...
Guess what?....
It fired right up.
So I boot into Windows and run SiSoft Sandra on it. Everything is up to snuff. I decide to let a few loops of BCM Diagnostic run (a GREAT burn in program) while I move on to the next RMA.
This next board is an Asus K7M. Reason for return is "dead". Before I even looked at the board, I yelled and screamed out loud about how he shipped it (I vent outwardly to prevent ulsers and potential heart issues). He took the K7M box and wrapped it in brown paper (like a grocery bag) and slapped a label on it. The box was SMASHED. I thought for sure that I would open this and find EVERY CAPACITOR that was over 1/2" tall broken off. Much to my amazement, the board was in good condition. This guy is one lucky bastard.
Upon further inspection of the board, I noticed something unbelievable; every jumper and dipswitch on the board was in the complete OPPOSITE position then what it should be (it's like he was caught up in that "throw the switch!" scene in Young Frankenstein and decided to do it for all of the dipswitches). That put this board at 110 MHz with a core voltage of 2.05V. It should be a default of 100 MHz and a default of 1.65V. At least when working with a board that does not even boot.
I didn't even TRY the board until I switched all of the jumpers and dipswitches back to default. I took the 550 out of the BCM and put it into the Asus.
Guess what?...
It fired right up.
RANT SEVEN (Sir, you're doing something wrong)
Now, all of this happens the day after I get off of the phone with a guy that ONLY bought a motherboard and CPU from us. He could not get it to power up. No power. No fans spinning. Nothing. We took the two pieces back and tested them....
They fired right up.
This was on a Friday, so we figured we'd let it run over the weekend. We came in Monday and it was STILL running diags. We sent it back to him. So why did he call yesterday? He said he got it back and it didn't fire up.
I said, "Sir, you're doing something wrong."
He said, "What could I be doing wrong?" I told him, just as I told him before he ever shipped it back, to bench test the board out of the case. If it doesn't boot at this point then the problem is the power supply. Of course I had him test the power supply with a jumper wire before giving him the RMA for the board and CPU the week before, but I was thinking that maybe the power supply wasn't offering enough power. Not like he got the power supply from us to begin with, but I decided to be helpful.
He called back. It fired right up! I said, "Great! Now install it in the case and see what happens!" Deep inside, I was thinking how I told this jackass to do this BEFORE he shipped it back and he SAID he did, but obviously he did not. He called back later. Now that it's in the case, it doesn't fire up.
I said, "Sir, you're doing something wrong."
I told him to check to see if any extra brass stand offs were mounted in the case that could be touching the bottom of the motherboard. He found an extra stand off, removed it and the board fired right up. But, it didn't post. He asked me why it didn't post. I told him to disconnect EVERYTHING. Keyboard, LEDs, IDE cables. EVERYTHING. Only a monitor should be plugged in. "Try it again." It doesn't post. At this point I'm a tad perturbed. He only bought the board and CPU and he didn't have the troubleshooting skills to figure out that he had an extra stand off touching the bottom of the board. I'm guessing he probably has an issue with the power supply or screwed the board up with the extra stand off.... I could only say one thing to him before finally hanging up the phone:
I said, "Sir, you're doing something wrong."
RANT EIGHT (RAM in an envelope)
I got stuck in the middle of this one. Some times I wish I never picked up the phone. This is one of those times.
I never saw the RAM this guy sent last month, but apparently it was refused at the door because it was shipped to us in an envelope. I had the pleasure of answering his phone call today.
Customer: "I'm calling to see if you got my RMA"
Me: "No problem. What's your RMA #."
Customer: "It's 12345. Did you get it?"
Me: "Sir, that RMA was issued two months ago and it says here that we did in fact receive it a month ago and refused it at the door because it was shipped in an envelope. You should have it back by now."
Customer: "Yeah, I got it back. You guys didn't even open the envelope to see the condition of the RAM!"
Me: "Well sir. We used to accept all packages, but it got to the point where a good number of what we received was damaged in transit, therefore any package that appears to be susceptible to such damage are refused at the door."
Customer: "Well it wasn't damaged! I had reinforced the RAM with plastic so it would not flex and shipped it in an envelope."
Me: "We would have no idea that the RAM was reinforced inside the envelope. All envelopes are refused at the door. It says on your invoice that you can not use an envelope and you are told when the RMA is given to you not to use an envelope, yet you chose to use an envelope anyway."
Customer: "If you would've just opened the envelope you would've seen that the RAM was not damaged!"
Me: "If we open a package, we've accepted the package. If we accept the package, we are liable for the package. If we don't open the package, we can refuse it at the door and thus not be liable for the package."
Customer: "If you accepted the package and the RAM was broke, you could've addressed that situation at that time."
Me: "Sorry sir. I've been doing this a number of years and have found that if I open a package and find that it had physically damaged product in it, 9 out of 10 times the customer just tries to dispute the charges with the credit card company or just raises a big stink and we'd just rather avoid all of that."
Customer: "If it was damaged, just ship it back!"
Me: "Why should I pay to ship damaged product back to you? Look... We're not getting anywhere with this discussion. You say you got the RAM back and it's in good condition, so why don't I give you another RMA number and this time send it in a box and we'll take care of it."
Customer: "Oh, I already sent it back."
Me: "You did? Did someone give you a new RMA number or reinstate the old RMA number?"
Customer: "No. I talked to my lawyer and he said that I should just send it back to you as per your guidelines and request that you reimburse me on the shipping for the second shipping attempt."
Me: "So you sent it back without an RMA number and expect us to pay the bill for sending it back a second time because you couldn't follow directions the first time (this time sounding obviously irritated)?"
Customer: "Well it has my name on it. I think that you should pay the freight because you sold me inferior product (WHOA. This guy knows how to rub the tech the wrong way!). Your prices were the lowest on Pricewatch and you had the lowest freight and the RAM was bad, so I must summarize that your product is inferior and thus sells for less and also has a higher failure rate."
Me: "Sir... With all due respect I must point out that you are a bit out of line and are speculating wildly about our products. I use our RAM in my own machines and both at home and at work experience a very low failure rate. Besides, you are only assuming that the RAM we sent you is bad. I still haven't seen it so I may test it myself!"
Customer: "Oh it's bad! IF you find it's bad, you WILL give me my freight back and you WILL find it's bad. You should have it there now because I mailed it back to you over two weeks ago."
Me (pretending to not have heard him say "mailed") "I don't show in your account that we've received the RAM... Why don't you give me the tracking number and I'll see if it's in the building."
Customer: "I don't have a tracking number, I sent it USPS."
Me: "Oh.. I see. I've got a few USPS here that had come in today. Let me look. (I REALLY, REALLY do look for a box with his name on it, but I think that the odds would be incredibly wild that his package would happen to get here on the day he happens to call, but what the hell. Anything is possible. However, I don't see it.) It's not here sir. Do you have delivery confirmation or show that someone signed for it?"
Customer: "I don't have any of that stuff. Look again. It's just a box with my name on it, your company's name on it and three 32 cent stamps."
Me: "STAMPS?!?!? Don't tell me you just dropped it in a blue box!!!!!!"
RANT NINE (I know SOMETHING I bought from you has to be bad!)
Today I got a pair of K62 550 CPUs back from a customer as a return. I looked at the RMA and it said "DEAD". I looked up their invoice and found that they had only BOUGHT TWO CPUS! I had to test them. They both fired right up AND tested good using BCM Diagnostics. Time to call the customer.
"Hello Sir? I have these two CPUs that you had returned as dead and I've found that they are not quite dead. In fact, they seem to work perfectly."
At this point he seems a little confused, but then thinks of something to say; "Oh.. Well they're not dead. I don't think that I ever said that to the person that gave me the RMA. They do actually boot up but immediately lock up the machine."
"I see. Well, I have them running right now in Windows 98 and I haven't seen a single error. What made you think that the CPUs were not functioning properly. What did you have the voltage set to?"
"I've been doing this for 15 years! I know how to troubleshoot a PC. I put them in the motherboards that I got from you and they crashed and then I put it into a known working machine and it crashed there too."
"And the question still remains, what did you have the voltage set to?"
"2.2V of course!"
"Oh. OK. There you go. 550s are 2.3V. I usually have to use 2.4."
"Oh." he suddenly coughs up, "I tried 2.3V too and that didn't work either."
"Hmm.... Well, what kind of board was that known working system?"
"It was an Matsonic 6260S."
Now at this point I'm actually laughing inside. I knew that the board he used to test the chips DID NOT WORK properly with a 550 processor AND that he was likely trying to use 2.2V as well. Double whammy. "Well I'll tell you what; I'm going to replace BOTH of these CPUs just to keep you a happy customer."
He can tell that I'm just humoring him at this point, but what does he expect when he starts with telling me that he's been doing this for 15 years but still hasn't figured out how to read the core voltage off the top of the CPU. "Well... If it's not the CPUs then the problem must be these motherboards I bought from you!"
Now my laughter has turned to rage. Accordnig to his account history, the two boards we sent him with these CPU's were Tekram P5M4M+ boards and not the Matsonic 6260's he claimed to be using, and although they are not perfect, I may see one out of 200 of these back for the reasons he's giving me and now he's implying that 2:2 boards we sold him are bad. Never mind that his first assumption as to the source of his problem was that 2:2 CPUs were bad, you'd think that after 15 years he'd realize that those kind of odds are hard to come by! I'm to the point where I just want to end the conversation so I can move on to more productive things like posting at Anand Forums or perusing the VW newsgroups. "I'll send off the two new CPUs. Let me know if they don't solve your problem." *click*
RANT TEN (I want the DVD that I didn't pay for)
This guy bought an 8X DVD player. Somehow we shipped him a 10X. I don't know how. He ordered an 8X, he paid for an 8X, his invoice says it's an 8X, but somehow he received a 10X DVD. Blows me away because we SELL the 8X for $95 and the 10X for $140, so that tells me that we probably PAY MORE for the 10X than we sell the 8X to Joe Q. Public for, so that accounts for a serious "profit loss" for that day. But all this is beside the point. The guy ASKED FOR an 8X, PAID FOR an 8X and was invoiced for an 8X. We shipped a 10X.
I don't find it a big deal at all that this customer did not find it in his heart to call and say "hey, you guys sent me a 10X by accident". I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have called either, put in the same circumstance. So, I never did hold this against the guy.
He called up and told me that the DVD audio was not as "crystal clear" as he expected and assumed it was a bad DVD player. He tried another DVD player in that PC and it worked well, so he decided to call and get an RMA for the one with "bad sound".
He gave me his invoice number. It popped up and said "8X DVD" on the line item. I gave him an RMA. I got his defective DVD player in about a week later. The Afreeys brand players are not externally marked 8X or 10X so I didn't notice what speed it was at first glance. I scanned the bar code on the drive and it came up on my system as belonging to that customer, and on the invoice number I was given it said it was an 8X DVD. I put the drive in the "to be tested" pile and put an order in for a replacement 8X.
The customer received the 8X and called. "Why did you send me an 8X???", he screamed. "Umm... Because that's what you sent me." is how I responded. "I sent you a 10X and you know it!". "Sir," trying to maintain my composure, "your invoice says 8X and your RMA says 8X, so I really don't understand where this 10X DVD player comes into play. I'm looking at your purchase history and don't show where you have ever bought a 10X DVD player ". He then decides NOW is the time to expose the following story, "the DVD was on backorder and I called and the sales person said that because you were out of 8X DVD players that I can get a 10X instead for the same price." Now that makes perfect sense to me.... except for a few holes in his story. IF we substituted the drive, then the substitution would be noted on the invoice and say nothing less than a 10X DVD player with a price of an 8X. At the very least, there would be a note on the order saying to do the substitution. Based on this, all I can summarize is that he is probably lying to me.
I told him that his DVD is still here and to let me go see what it really is based on the model number on the manufacturer's label. I looked and it was in fact a 10X. "Well sir, it looks like you got a 10X here, but the fact remains that you ordered and paid for an 8X. It's a shame this did not work well because that would really be cool to get a 10X DVD for the price an 8X!"
"Well what are you going to do about it?" he asked. I felt for the guy and told him that if he would send me the replacement 8X back, I would personally swap it for a 10X, but that I would need the 8X back first. "Unacceptable!" he exclaimed. I was puzzled. I'm willing to give him a $140 DVD for $95 and he feels that's unacceptable? I told him if wanted anything beyond that, he would need to take it up with management considering the circumstances. I forwarded him over.
Apparently he did not get any further with the manager since I got an email from him this morning stating that he was going to report us to the BBB and tell all of his friends to not do business with us.
Huh?
At any rate, I'd like to report that I tested the DVD player. It worked FLAWLESSLY. The audio was outstanding in both CD Audio and DVD Movie applications. I would consider sending it back to the customer so he can have the 10X that he did not pay for, but I still would want the new 8X back from him and I don't think he'd go for that, and at this point I'm not too inclined to communicate with the guy.
RANT ELEVEN (CPU in an envelope)
A gentleman received an RMA number for a CPU that needed to be tested.
This guy sent a CPU in an envelope. We refused it. It felt as if the pins were stuck in foam, but the top seemed to be exposed. This bothered us because, while the CPU may not have bent pins, the CPU could be banged over and over and over again and this alone could cause damage to the CPU. Nevermind that if something heavy enough was put on top of the envelope that that foam would compress and the pins would bend anyway.
SO.....
Apparently the guy can see from UPS tracking that it's going back to him.
He is SO CLUELESS that he insists that we have NO REASON for refusing his package and he wants a credit IMMEDIATELY (despite the CPU not being in our possession and in fact on the way back to the consumer) or he will dispute the charge with VISA.
Again, I want to be the nice guy and say to him, "when you get it, check it out and if it's in good physical condition, send it back to me and I'll personally test and replace it."
That wasn't good enough.
"I want a credit RIGHT NOW. I don't even want another CPU! I'm done with you guys."
"Sir... You sent it in an envelope. We did not force you to do this, in fact recommended that you NOT do this. I have no idea what condition this CPU is in, therefore can not give you a credit on it."
"That's not good enough. I don't want another CPU and I don't want to wait until this one comes back to me."
"I'll tell you what. Send it back in a box and I'll test it and if it works, I'll give you a credit and I'll just use the CPU internally. If it's NOT physically damaged and does not work, I'll swap it for another."
"I know the CPU is bad so that's not an option!"
"Sir, if you KNEW the CPU was bad, the RMA would not read 'test and replace accordingly'."
"I'm done with you. Give me your manager!"
Well..... he got my manager.... He was basically told "you were foolish enough to send a CPU in an envelope that wasn't even padded... I think you need to deal with the loss." The customer just hung up the phone.
OUCH! He should've taken my offer.
RANT TWELVE (smell something burning?)
.....this guy buys FOUR K6-2 550 processors from my work to upgrade FOUR machines at his workplace.
When all four CPUs did not work, he called back SALES and got an RMA. I got the package in and this is what I see:
All four CPUs had gotten SO HOT that the serial number labels on the bottom sides had burned. These same labels I've put on CPUs for years prior and never had one burn on a properly functioning CPU even after years of use (the K6-233 that's been in one of my machines has had that sticker on it for nearly 3 years and it's still as white as the driven snow). I don't know if you can see the burn on the bottom two CPUs, but they're there. Pretty upsetting.
Now, I HAVE torched a couple CPUs with bad boards. Try one and it doesn't work, then try a second and it doesn't work either and then realize that the socket is somehow shorting out the CPU and have to swap boards. It sucks. I've only seen it on a few PC Chips and a handful of FICs, but it does happen. I have also seen a few people accidentally set the I/O voltage on the board INSTEAD OF the core voltage and thus fry the CPU by sending out 50% more voltage to the CPU than needed.
Now I'm in the position to call the customer; "Sir, I got your four CPUs from you. Would you like to tell me what happened?"
Customer: "Yeah. All four CPUs are dead. They just didn't do anything."
Me: "OK. I can see that. So, you put four CPUs in four boards and they all were dead?"
Customer: "No. I was doing one station at a time and tried one CPU and it didn't boot, so I tried the next and it didn't boot, so I tried the next one and the next one, but all on the same workstation."
Me: "I see. Have you ever heard of a motherboard blowing up CPUs?"
Customer: "Boards blowing up CPUs!? That's impossible! These boards worked before! Are you trying to get out of replacing the CPUS??!?!"
Me: "NO! Not at all. (Don't argue with customer.... Customer is always right.... Don't argue with customer.... Customer is always right....) Just wondering if you were familiar with that scenario." Knowing that a board that can take out four CPUs, would likely not work afterwards, I asked the following, "Is the board up and running now?"
Customer: "No. It's still sitting here, all taken apart from the upgrade process. Just waiting for some CPUs that actually WORK this time around." He had a sarcastic kind of tone in his voice that I have only heard mastered by one other person..... ME!
I'm willing to offer the possibility that he may have the voltage set wrong, and the board actually still works properly. In which case, I'll tell him how to set it properly, and send him four new CPUs, not UNTIL after trying the old CPU.
Me: "Well... Maybe the problem is the core voltage settings. What did you have the core voltage set to?"
Customer: "The what?"
Me: "The voltage for the CPU. What were the jumpers set to?"
Customer: "The what what?"
Me: "Is it a jumperless board?"
Customer: "A whatless what?"
Me: "Well, what kind of CPU was in their before?"
Customer: "An Intel something or another.... I don't remember."
Me: "OK, sir. I'm taking care of this RMA right away. Thanks."
I hang up the phone and immediately apply a credit for current market value for the 4 CPUs to his credit card and put a note on his account to never sell to this guy ever again.
The four CPUs go into the circular file. *sigh* What a waste of good silicone AND brain tissue... all in one sitting.
I don't know what part of "warranty" some people don't understand. If I say that something has a 30 day warranty, since when does this mean 60 days, 120 days or a year? It's your right as a consumer to have a product that has ceased to work replaced even if it's out of warranty? It's my DUTY as an employee to abide by the guidelines of the warranty.
I should pay for the freight to have the "defective" product picked up from your house? To that, I present to you the three jack asses in PART ONE of this rant. What if I paid to have their product picked up? I found out that there was nothing wrong with their product. Do I now charge them for that pick up charge AND charge them for the freight to send them back? Nope. You know what happens then? They either accept the package and dispute the charge because they were ALREADY charged for the product and freight once before and can't be charged for freight twice on something they only bought once or they refuse the package and then dispute the charges because they never received the goods. No thanks. You pay to ship it to me. I'll pay to ship it to you and everyone's happy, right?
What if the product is actually bad and other computer places will pay your freight? I don't know about all places, but I know about MOST places. Remember how much you paid for freight from that company that will happily pick up that supposedly bad part? You PAID for freight. Trust me. You PAID already whether that part is bad or not.
I should send an advanced replacement? Yep. 50% of the time I do that, the product I get back, just after I sent you brand new product, is used looking, smells of cigarettes, has a grape jelly stain on the manual and guess what.... it works perfectly. What am I to do with it? If I send it to the manufacturer, they'll send it back to me and tell me to live with it. So, I just "spent" two products, you paid for one and I'm looking for a "friend" that'll by a slightly used computer part at a reduced price for the other.
I shouldn't charge you a restocking fee or should give you a credit based on the price that you paid for it and not what it sells for today? Oh no!
Lets say you send back a "good" product. It works, but it's used. If we only charged a restocking fee for non-defective product, we would have people breaking things just so they won't get charged a restocking fee, then I'm up to my elbows in testing equipment trying to determine if the product is dead from natural causes or murder!
Thirty days down the road, your product's price drops $20. If I gave you the price that you bought it for and then you turn around and buy another one that month at the lower price, you've gotten a free month of use out of the product or basically grossed a $20 profit, all at the expense of the businessman. What do you want now? A cookie?
It also needs to be noted that, it's truly amazing how some people handle computer parts. It's static sensitive so they store it in a sandwich bag. It's fragile so they ship it in an envelope. WTF?!?
Here's what gets me.... Let's say a piece of memory or CPU is shipped to me in an envelope. We've been instructed to refuse it at the door unopened. This is because a good deal of the time, what we receive is broken in half when it is received in an envelope.
The person gets their package back and wonders why it's refused. The reason is explained and it is pointed out that it is stated on their receipt that adequate packaging is required to redeem warranty.
The person that gets me is the one that freaks out because they got their memory back and it's snapped in half. Like it's OUR FAULT they shipped it in an envelope in the first place. We should have done MORE to warn them? I'm sorry. If that person did not have enough sense to send back a PCB that is .5 mm in thickness in something more than a padded envelope, I don't have ANY pity on that individual and essentially feel they got what was coming to them and should learn from their mistake.
Can you believe I have actually gotten motherboards back in envelopes? I've gotten hard drives back in envelopes. I've asked these people point blank what possessed them to do such a stupid act and the response is always the same, "it was defective in the first place, so I didn't think it mattered".
HUH?!?
